Modern life requires hardly any physical activity. We just push a button and stand there. Take the car window. Someone decided that having to crank the window down yourself was too hard. "I don't want to churn butter, I just want fresh air!" So we got a button to do it.
You know, it's hard work to write a book. I can't tell you how many times I really get going on an idea, then my quill breaks. Or I spill ink all over my writing tunic. No wonder I drink so much! Then I get so drunk, I can barely feed the baby. That's what I call myself when I'm drunk, "The Baby."
And then there's the local news. They want you to watch every single broadcast they've got. It's not good enough that you're watching the one you're watching. They slip in these teasers that are just so incredibly cruel to get you to watch again later. "It could be the most deadly thing in the world and you may be having it for dinner. We'll tell you what it is, tonight at eleven." "Is it peas?" I feel so sorry for newscasters, because they know we can turn off the news. We don't have to watch, but the news is their job. Not only do they have to read the stories, but they don't know what's coming up next. They're just reading the prompter, and they've got to go through a huge range of emotions. They have to jump from one thing to another without flinching. "There were no survivors...And next up: Which candy bar helps you lose weight? Still to come: Is an asteroid headed towards earth? But first, where to find the cheesiest pizza in town! Also, a disturbing new study finds that studies are disturbing."
The key to life is balance. Think of a seesaw. On one side is Give, the other side Take. If you just give and give and give, you've got nothing left. You're empty. Which means you don't weigh anything because empty equals weightless; so Take is just sitting on the ground bored out of its mind saying, "I'm bored, I can't take anymore of this," which is a pretty strong statement since that's what Take's job is. It is to take. And if Take can't take anymore, then well, I think you see my point. And the same thing goes for taking too much. If you keep taking and taking and taking, you get loaded down. Taking equals heavy. So Give is stranded way up in the air saying, "Hey, I'm way up in the air." And then Take is like, "So?" And Give is like, "I hate you. All you do is take." And Take is like, "You're the stupid poopoohead for giving all the time." And Take gets off the seesaw to leave and Give goes crashing to the ground and then Take feels bad and rushes over to see if Give is okay and then they hug and start crying and both apologize for being so selfish. So you see, it needs to be balanced.
Please buy Ellen DeGeneres' book The Funny Thing Is... If you liked what you just read, you know you'll enjoy the book because the above was taken directly from the book! All content is copyright 2003 by Crazy Monkey, Inc. All rights reserved.
So, you want to know about me, do you? Well, in short, I'm Jen. I'm short, I'm a lesbian, I'm in love with an amazing girl, I don't do drugs or drink or smoke, music is my life, I play bass in a band called Half Past Two (http://www.halfpasttwo.com), I love my friends and I love going to shows. If you feel like we'd make good friends, or you just want to read my journal, comment to be added :) Thank you.
Hey, serial adders... get a life. You can't read my journal anyway, so what exactly is the point of having me on your list? Yea, if you're a serial adder, and you've added me, you've been banned from my journal. That means you can only read public posts (which I don't do anymore) and you can NOT comment in my journal. Go away.